At least you are young.
At least you have your other children.
At least you can get pregnant.
At least your other kids are healthy.
At least you will be able to time it better next time.
These are all said with good intention. We know that. They aren't helpful. The 'at leasts' are causing more harm than good. It is such a difficult situation to be in, on the other side of someone's grief, pain, and heartache. The person who reached out to you, isn't asking for a response that will make them feel better or one that will make the pain go away. They reached out for you - to be there. With the grief, pain, and heartache they are feeling, they need a balance of love, comfort and support. Just being there helps.
{"I am so sorry, I am here for you."}
This pain is going to be there for quite some time. It can last for a lifetime. With the loss of a child, you can be prepared - this will be a pain that will last forever. It may have gotten quieter throughout the years, but it is still very alive inside. The smallest things will mean so much.
{"How are you today? I am here for you."}
There are so many firsts on the journey of grief. Some people think -- don't bring it up -- it will only cause them pain and heartache. The pain is already there. But by acknowledging their child, by saying their name, by sending that card to their parents on their birthdays thereafter. By doing that, you are making the pain stop for a brief moment. You have now brought a smile to their heart. That someone - besides them - loves their child too.
{"Happy Birthday in Heaven Sweet Angel."}
For the children who are still living, those with special needs. They matter too. Staying away, because you think that family already has their hands full and doesn't want to be bothered, again - more harm than good. That interaction is longed for by that family, knowing that just because they have a different family dynamic, doesn't mean they are cast away. That support is so vital and key.
{"Let me know how I can help. I am here for you."}
Below is a link to a video that I think does a amazing job at demonstrating the 'at-leasts' to the 'i am here for yous'
