.lily jay.

{This is the story of a precious baby girl born sleeping on June 10th, 2014}

Written by her mother, Mary

[Below is a piece of her blog]

''On Monday, June 9th I started to have contractions. I called the dr. to see if I should go in and I was asked if I felt her kicking.  Come to think of it, I didn't feel her much that day but I ate something sweet and waited for the kicks.  Lily Jay was a kicker the whole 9 months and on June 9th, she stopped kicking.  I thought it was weird but I was told it was probably because she had no more room to kick.  Fair enough, that totally made sense.  They asked if I wanted to come in or wait for the contractions to get stronger.  I decided to go in and start this process to finally see my baby girl.

I checked into the hospital and when they went to check the heart beat, there was no sound.  I was thinking, maybe thats not the right machine and they were looking for something else.  Then the dr came in with the ultrasound machine.  That was the moment our lives crumbled, there was no movement.

The dr. calmly said, "I'm sorry, there's no heart beat".  I couldn't even cry because I was in such shock, I didn't understand how this can even happen. The dr. said, "It just does, it can just happen".  He then explained that I would have to deliver her naturally since a c-section was pointless at this point. I begged to just have the surgery done because I didn't think I could mentally handle all of this.  Unfortunately my crying and begging was denied and I prepared myself to deliver my precious Lily Jay. 

The next day on June 10th at 5:17pm, after 24 hours of labor my little angel was born. Weighing 5lbs 15oz and 21inches, happiest moment of my life was the saddest day of my life. The baby I loved and carried for 9 months was gone.  My body was empty, my arms were empty and now my heart was empty.  She was literally the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and Im not just saying that because I created her.  She looked JUST like my husband did as a baby and had his beautiful full hair. My husband and I spent time with her the next day and promised her that she would never be forgotten and she would always be our little girl.

***********

Again, I am a believer in everything happening for a reason and I like to see  Lily as only a positive in our lives.  Although the outcome was not ideal, she made me and Johnny way better people.  We got married, moved out of a less than ideal neighborhood, my husband went back to school at night and I left a stressful job.  She made us realize that things that seemed to matter and make us upset, don't really matter.  She made us appreciate life more, live life more and to not sweat the small stuff. We decided to have her cremated so that we can spread her ashes in places that make us happy.  We live in San Francisco and love to drive up and down the coast.  The weekend before she passed we took that long drive and talked about all the places we were going to take her. I will keep my promise and take her there, spread some of her ashes and just know that every time I see the ocean, she's there. Another way we want to honor her is to spread her ashes in the soil and grow lilies. The most important thing to me is to not let her be forgotten and I will honor my little ones life the best I can. 


And to Lily Jay Lucatero, thank you. You have made both of your parents who they are today. Fly high my angel, mommy and daddy love you.' 

Below is the link to her blog to follow her journey

http://lovelilyjay.blogspot.com/2014/08/our-story.html?m=1

R.I.P. Beautiful Lily Jay

.serenity layla hope.

{This is the story of a beautiful baby girl who was born sleeping on March 11th, 2014

due to the cord being around her neck}

Written by her mother, Jess Irby

'It was April 20,2013 and I had been hanging out with the girls drinking and running around before a lame date I felt guilted into. However as I was leaving one of the girls' house this extra good looking guy I had sort of text from Facebook walked by and I was completely taken over by nerves. Well after that day we started texting and talking nonstop, add the growing feelings and about 3 weeks later he and I started dating. This is where our relationship hit fast forward, he moved in and we started our lives together insanely quick. Well in July we found out we were going to be parents just two months into this new relationship, in September we learned we'd be the proud parents of a baby girl. Around the end of February, early march we set the indication date for our sweet baby girl at this point named, Serenity Layla Hope, for for March 17th at 7:30am.  The weekend of March 8, I started to get overwhelmed with pain, and inconsistent contractions. I held off as long as I could avoiding being sent home from the hospital to wait longer or for our doctors appointment. However, March 11th at around 11ish in the morning my contractions had became too much for me to bear and we started packing bags and preparing for the hospital. We arrived at around 1pm and I had this strange feeling because I hadn't really felt Serenity move a lot in the last few hours but chalked it up to she was on her way. After what felt like a lifetime we were finally admitted in our room in labor and delivery, and the nurse started to hook up the machines, only, the couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. One nurse after another until there were 3 or 4 were in the room and finally they ordered the ultrasound machine where it showed Serenity's heart no longer beating. I was already a hysterical mess at this point. Somewhere in between the doctor, nurses, family , friends, and a myriad of people started showing up and talking and it's all still a blur... Next thing I know is I'm signing papers, getting drugs, and wheeled off for my c-section. I was in a twilight, I remember bargaining with god if she would just somehow be okay when they got her out, I remember Matthew dressed in his daddy' gown gear, and I remember the tug and pull on my belly, and mostly I remember this sweet, chubby cheeked face (6lbs, 3oz; 18.5 in) placed in front of mine and none of my bargaining had worked, she wasn't crying. A few hours later after the drugs wore off I awoke hoping to be from the nightmare I was suddenly in and there she was, not crying, or moving. I remember holding her, inspecting her, loving on her and crying and bargaining more with god for her to just wake up in my arms. The doctor and people came in and informed me her cord got wrapped too tight around her neck and there was nothing that could have been done. Everything is mostly a blur. I remember questions, answers, friends, family, pictures, and all the while I'm just praying to God for him to wake her up, or for me to wake up from the nightmare. I thinking I could update the masses shared on Facebook and got an outpouring of love, support, and ignorance. I didn't know how to handle any of it. There's some stuff that was said that still angers me, still cuts like a knife, and other stuff I frankly don't remember. People were in and out all night, family, friends, nurses, doctors.. It seemed to fly by and drag on all in one mass confusion. And then they came to take her for the night. It was so hard to sleep my first night without her. The next day it was just Matthew, our moms and I with Serenity for a few hours and then we both got released from the hospital, only we went home empty handed. We met with the funeral people, finalized everything and instead of a coming home party, we had successfully planned our first funeral.  The funeral was a beautiful service, much of it still a big blur of faces, songs, and the agony of knowing it would be the last time I saw, held, or kissed my sweet Serenity.'

R.I.P. Precious Serenity

-Below is the link to her blog-

http://serenitylaylahopeirby.blogspot.com/

.laiyah skye.

{ This is the story of a precious little girl that was born sleeping on October 6th, 2014 

due to the cord being wrapped around her neck. }

Written by her mother, Quasha Jarvis

'Sunday morning I went to the hospital because Lai wasn't being her normal busy self. They sent me to the triage room and searched and searched for her heartbeat but wouldn't tell me anything so I received an ultrasound and after that was complete my doctor walked in the room with her head down and said "there's no hearbeat" at that moment I lost it, I'm confused. All I hear are those words. I don't understand. She had no reason nothing but sympathy. But I had to deliver. My doctor induced me and advised me to get all the pain medicine to do it as easy as possible but I chose to go completely natural because I knew after I delivered that would be the last I felt of her. Monday October 6th at 12:18am I delivered my baby girl the minute she came out it was obvious why she stopped breathing, Lai was such a busy body she got tied up in her umbilical cord and sadly there was nothing I could do it was to late. I felt the joy of her movement but she moved so much that she couldn't untangle herself. I'm so broken. I have a room full of my daughters things and now she'll never come home. I was so ready to meet her and just as fast as I met her I had to say goodbye. I'm angry. This child was the next piece of my heart. My heart aches. I have to continue to go on because I have a husband and a little boy who needs me but it's hard extremely hard. My daughter was my mini me and I look at my son in amazement because his sister looks identical to him as a baby. How do I cope? I don't know. Everyone keep saying you're so strong but honestly I'm weak I'm fighting a war in my head and I don't see myself out of it. I'm so upset with God because after everything I've endured in life I find my joy in my kids, being a mother is everything to me and now one of my kids are gone. How. Why do I have to bury my child? Everyone keep saying not to lose faith but it's already lost. I'm lost. I'm surrounded by people who love me and want to help see me through but I feel alone. Saturday October 11th I had to bury my daughter..Lai go ahead spread your wings just watch over us

R.I.P Baby Girl'

Quasha has also shared the link to her youtube video. This video shares her raw emotion and feelings as she begins this journey of grieving the loss of her daughter. 

http://youtu.be/rTbkhDV-nKo

She says in the video:

 "I didn't lose a pregnancy. I lost my child."

And she is so right. 

R.I.P. Beautiful Laiyah Skye 

.my son - oliver felix.

When a child dies, the mother inside does not. 

In fact, her instincts have just greatly intensified.

She is now more than ever before, an advocate for her child.

34 weeks and 5 days. 

That is how long I had with my son.  In that short amount of time, I had to make more life changing and heart wrenching decisions for my child than most of those have to do in a lifetime with theirs. In that short amount of time, my husband and I had to meet with several doctors, making decisions on ending his life, or having hope and letting God and our son make that decision. In that short amount of time, we had to discuss the health plan if our son would have lived outside of the womb, comfort care or life saving measures. In that short amount of time, I was dealing with a mix of excitement for our first born son and mourning the loss of our first born son. In that short amount of time, my husband and I had to decide on the funeral home to cremate our beautiful son. In that short amount of time, we became parents, a mother and a father. 

Oliver may not be here physically, but he is here with me every second of every minute of every hour of every single day. He has never left me, as I have never left him. He is not here to speak for himself, to share his journey, to show his accomplishments. That is my job, that is what I do on a daily basis. Those who speak his name, those who remember him with me, are proof that I am doing my job. Proof that I have not failed as a mother. Oliver is working through me constantly and I am forever grateful I was chosen to be his mother. Oliver made me a mother, his mother, the mother I am today.