.serenity layla hope.

{This is the story of a beautiful baby girl who was born sleeping on March 11th, 2014

due to the cord being around her neck}

Written by her mother, Jess Irby

'It was April 20,2013 and I had been hanging out with the girls drinking and running around before a lame date I felt guilted into. However as I was leaving one of the girls' house this extra good looking guy I had sort of text from Facebook walked by and I was completely taken over by nerves. Well after that day we started texting and talking nonstop, add the growing feelings and about 3 weeks later he and I started dating. This is where our relationship hit fast forward, he moved in and we started our lives together insanely quick. Well in July we found out we were going to be parents just two months into this new relationship, in September we learned we'd be the proud parents of a baby girl. Around the end of February, early march we set the indication date for our sweet baby girl at this point named, Serenity Layla Hope, for for March 17th at 7:30am.  The weekend of March 8, I started to get overwhelmed with pain, and inconsistent contractions. I held off as long as I could avoiding being sent home from the hospital to wait longer or for our doctors appointment. However, March 11th at around 11ish in the morning my contractions had became too much for me to bear and we started packing bags and preparing for the hospital. We arrived at around 1pm and I had this strange feeling because I hadn't really felt Serenity move a lot in the last few hours but chalked it up to she was on her way. After what felt like a lifetime we were finally admitted in our room in labor and delivery, and the nurse started to hook up the machines, only, the couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. One nurse after another until there were 3 or 4 were in the room and finally they ordered the ultrasound machine where it showed Serenity's heart no longer beating. I was already a hysterical mess at this point. Somewhere in between the doctor, nurses, family , friends, and a myriad of people started showing up and talking and it's all still a blur... Next thing I know is I'm signing papers, getting drugs, and wheeled off for my c-section. I was in a twilight, I remember bargaining with god if she would just somehow be okay when they got her out, I remember Matthew dressed in his daddy' gown gear, and I remember the tug and pull on my belly, and mostly I remember this sweet, chubby cheeked face (6lbs, 3oz; 18.5 in) placed in front of mine and none of my bargaining had worked, she wasn't crying. A few hours later after the drugs wore off I awoke hoping to be from the nightmare I was suddenly in and there she was, not crying, or moving. I remember holding her, inspecting her, loving on her and crying and bargaining more with god for her to just wake up in my arms. The doctor and people came in and informed me her cord got wrapped too tight around her neck and there was nothing that could have been done. Everything is mostly a blur. I remember questions, answers, friends, family, pictures, and all the while I'm just praying to God for him to wake her up, or for me to wake up from the nightmare. I thinking I could update the masses shared on Facebook and got an outpouring of love, support, and ignorance. I didn't know how to handle any of it. There's some stuff that was said that still angers me, still cuts like a knife, and other stuff I frankly don't remember. People were in and out all night, family, friends, nurses, doctors.. It seemed to fly by and drag on all in one mass confusion. And then they came to take her for the night. It was so hard to sleep my first night without her. The next day it was just Matthew, our moms and I with Serenity for a few hours and then we both got released from the hospital, only we went home empty handed. We met with the funeral people, finalized everything and instead of a coming home party, we had successfully planned our first funeral.  The funeral was a beautiful service, much of it still a big blur of faces, songs, and the agony of knowing it would be the last time I saw, held, or kissed my sweet Serenity.'

R.I.P. Precious Serenity

-Below is the link to her blog-

http://serenitylaylahopeirby.blogspot.com/

.angel aloysius hartley.

{this is the story of a baby boy who was born through miscarriage}

Written by his mother, Christina Hartley

'I'll never forget the day we found out we were pregnant on May.14,2013... it was the Monday after Mother's day last year. Charity was only 6 months old. My hubby & I were excited with joy when we saw the two positive lines... we rushed to buy Charity a Big Sister t-shirt to announce it to my family. They were so happy for us. I was so excited to see our baby the following month at the first ultrasound. But our baby could not be found on the ultrasound & I was told I miscarried. Yet to make sure they sent me to radiology. I couldn't believe it, my hubby & I cried together. ..it was the first time I ever saw him cry sad tears. We couldn't believe this was happening to us. But the next morning my doctor called telling me that the radiology ultrasound had found my baby with a heart beat! My baby was alive but the reason they were unable to detect him before was because I was hemorrhaging... then I was given the news that it was unlikely my baby would survive it.  Two weeks later my hope was taken when our little Angel had no longer a beating heart.... I was not bleeding yet...but it would pass. The only regret I have is not seeing our baby's heart beat on the ultrasound. If I could have seen him alive for a second I would have loved that. June.18th 2013 was the saddest day in my mommy life!! I am glad I passed my 6-7weeks baby at home on (June.24th) so I could hold my baby & grieve as much as I needed. We ordered online a small 5" beautiful casket made from Heaven's Gain. I wanted to choose St.Aloysius (his feast day was June.21st) as our baby's patron because he was one of the purest saints known to be more like the angels than that of earth  July.8th we buried our baby, it was a sad yet special day to have the priest give a beautiful blessing with our close families surrounding us. 

I will never forget my Angel Aloysius baby... 

I have yet to meet him and it will be a beautiful day! 

Love mommy, Christina Hartley'

R.I.P. Angel Aloysius

.laiyah skye.

{ This is the story of a precious little girl that was born sleeping on October 6th, 2014 

due to the cord being wrapped around her neck. }

Written by her mother, Quasha Jarvis

'Sunday morning I went to the hospital because Lai wasn't being her normal busy self. They sent me to the triage room and searched and searched for her heartbeat but wouldn't tell me anything so I received an ultrasound and after that was complete my doctor walked in the room with her head down and said "there's no hearbeat" at that moment I lost it, I'm confused. All I hear are those words. I don't understand. She had no reason nothing but sympathy. But I had to deliver. My doctor induced me and advised me to get all the pain medicine to do it as easy as possible but I chose to go completely natural because I knew after I delivered that would be the last I felt of her. Monday October 6th at 12:18am I delivered my baby girl the minute she came out it was obvious why she stopped breathing, Lai was such a busy body she got tied up in her umbilical cord and sadly there was nothing I could do it was to late. I felt the joy of her movement but she moved so much that she couldn't untangle herself. I'm so broken. I have a room full of my daughters things and now she'll never come home. I was so ready to meet her and just as fast as I met her I had to say goodbye. I'm angry. This child was the next piece of my heart. My heart aches. I have to continue to go on because I have a husband and a little boy who needs me but it's hard extremely hard. My daughter was my mini me and I look at my son in amazement because his sister looks identical to him as a baby. How do I cope? I don't know. Everyone keep saying you're so strong but honestly I'm weak I'm fighting a war in my head and I don't see myself out of it. I'm so upset with God because after everything I've endured in life I find my joy in my kids, being a mother is everything to me and now one of my kids are gone. How. Why do I have to bury my child? Everyone keep saying not to lose faith but it's already lost. I'm lost. I'm surrounded by people who love me and want to help see me through but I feel alone. Saturday October 11th I had to bury my daughter..Lai go ahead spread your wings just watch over us

R.I.P Baby Girl'

Quasha has also shared the link to her youtube video. This video shares her raw emotion and feelings as she begins this journey of grieving the loss of her daughter. 

http://youtu.be/rTbkhDV-nKo

She says in the video:

 "I didn't lose a pregnancy. I lost my child."

And she is so right. 

R.I.P. Beautiful Laiyah Skye 

.my miscarriage.

I was 17 years old. It was graduation day of high school. What a day to get a positive pregnancy test. At rehearsal - I felt nauseous, the cigarette smoke of my friend who was driving set that off. I knew that I was pregnant. Right then and there. 17 years old. My mama instincts had already kicked in. I felt so guilty. I didn't want to disappoint my mother. I was terrified to tell her. I didn't want her to think she had failed as a mother. After graduation I was exhausted, for obvious reasons. I slept right through the party my friends were having.

I remember telling my mom. She was out walking the dog around the pond in the neighborhood. I ran out to her, she had to have known something was up. I immediately was shaking and in tears, telling her that she didn't fail as a mother, before I even said that I was pregnant. I knew I couldn't tell my dad. That was something she was going to have to do. 

After that, I told my boyfriend at the time, and then some friends. Names were talked about, ideas in our minds, love in our hearts. It was very early, maybe 8 weeks. I was 17, I didn't know the rules of waiting til 12 weeks. My first appointment, they took the urine test. The nurse said I had to be around 8 weeks along. How she knew that? Beyond me. We went back to the room for the ultrasound. Right away, no heartbeat. The sonographer said something along the lines (and not under her breath), that it was a blessing. 

A blessing? What a rude and hurtful thing to say.

Yes, I was 17.
Yes, I would have been a teen mom.
Yes, I would have struggled.
But a blessing for me to experience this pain?
I don't think so.

This was 8 years ago. I still grieve the loss of this baby. To imagine, I would have an 8 year old right now. Maybe a boy, maybe a girl. What they would look like. Who they would be. The relationship we would have. 

Was it best that I didn't have a child in my teenage years? Probably.
Is it fair to be judged and for my loss to be overlooked because of that? Definitely not. 

Miscarriages matter too.

These are babies that are gone too soon. 

The minute the positive appears, there is love. 

There are dreams of the future that is to come.

-cjsuarez

.my son - oliver felix.

When a child dies, the mother inside does not. 

In fact, her instincts have just greatly intensified.

She is now more than ever before, an advocate for her child.

34 weeks and 5 days. 

That is how long I had with my son.  In that short amount of time, I had to make more life changing and heart wrenching decisions for my child than most of those have to do in a lifetime with theirs. In that short amount of time, my husband and I had to meet with several doctors, making decisions on ending his life, or having hope and letting God and our son make that decision. In that short amount of time, we had to discuss the health plan if our son would have lived outside of the womb, comfort care or life saving measures. In that short amount of time, I was dealing with a mix of excitement for our first born son and mourning the loss of our first born son. In that short amount of time, my husband and I had to decide on the funeral home to cremate our beautiful son. In that short amount of time, we became parents, a mother and a father. 

Oliver may not be here physically, but he is here with me every second of every minute of every hour of every single day. He has never left me, as I have never left him. He is not here to speak for himself, to share his journey, to show his accomplishments. That is my job, that is what I do on a daily basis. Those who speak his name, those who remember him with me, are proof that I am doing my job. Proof that I have not failed as a mother. Oliver is working through me constantly and I am forever grateful I was chosen to be his mother. Oliver made me a mother, his mother, the mother I am today. 

.why we are here.

Love All the Babies

This page was created to celebrate and love all the babies. 

This is a place where all babies lives, despite how short, are celebrated. Each child is so unique, whether they lived only in the womb, or are still here with us living - healthy, with an extra chromosome, on the spectrum, or with another challenging diagnosis.

This is a place for mothers, fathers, siblings, & families to come together for support. Whether it be grief, education, curiosity, or whatever it may be through brought them to the page.

This is a place to have a positive outlet to celebrate the lives and love all the babies, because every child matters. 

We encourage and ask that you tell us about your child, your experiences, the way you have handled this life and path you are on. Our goal is to create a safe place to openly talk and ask questions. 

Email us @ loveallthebabies@gmail.com. 

Share your story - we will post it on the blog for others to read, learn, and grow from.

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